The following text will be published in other platforms

The title summarizes in a nutshell the issue/situation, but there's way much more than that that I'd like to share, not to vent but to give context

I'm saving for a trip, a trip to Japan with my whole family, that is my biggest desire, my main goal; and part of the goal is to have my grandpa, Jiji, to ride a bullet train with me and my siblings, not asking for anything else personally

I've been saving for so many years, but it was pretty much impossible to get any job during school and after graduation, I had to experience 3 miserable years of being jobless

My main interest all along was to be a game dev, my plan was to try and get some following accross different platforms to not make and publish games that would end up like how my illustrations usually ended up like many years ago: unseen

So I kept drawing and publishing in many different platforms accross the years, leaving some platforms, creating account in others, had requests, commissions, but I wasn't getting the following I was hoping for, nor the commissions to make a significant extra saving

Seeing how fruitless it was, I thought to myself maybe I should've always had focused on just game dev from the very beggining, to try and create a following from there and not "misleading" users who were following me for drawings and not try to drag them to play my games; so then, over a year ago (just shy of few weeks to be two years ago), with cummulated frustration, I published this drawing Farewell (kinda), writting a message in the description, about changing my main focus, referring to game dev

Months passed and I still made some few drawings every now and then to kinda "keep the lights on" just in case, but I kept my word, I was working on a game project

But two things, the business of the job position I have now isn't in the most stable state, and jiji had hit his head, causing a brain bleed

Jiji is still fine, but due to his age and weak body, I've always been concerned about how much time he has left, and after that accident, that concern got bigger

So a videogame, a long term project was not going to cut it, I couldn't keep working on a game that I know has no guarantee to at least even be seen at all, let alone be bought by anyone; I had to switch back to drawings to open commissions

Instead of being limitted to just drawings, I figured adding animations (idea I already tried before but the prices I assigned were too low in relation to time and effort it took), and 3D models, doing all I can to catch anyone's eyes and get customers

But no, it feels like no matter what I do, it's an annoying game of RNG, throw a 50-face dice and only one of them gives me a small clout engagement, that's the game (which, isn't exactly what I'm looking for anyway, clout isn't gonna increase my income in the slightest)

There are more Super Chibi Sets planned (click here to see details about that project) and also special 3D animations coming up... but I see how I'm being "recieved" in all platforms for each and every submission and it seems like a everything I try is a waste of time, I am not getting commissions, and even if I did, I have to get LOTS of them to actually make a significant increase in my income or to increase the commission price considerably

What am I even suppose to do anymore?, there have been users who have been so kind and gave me so much help, and it makes me sad that even with their help (again, not from one, but multiple users) I'm still stuck

My job doesn't even let me make proper use of the remaining hours of the day, so of course I'll just get screwed for anything I try to do because the rest of the competition has all the time in the world

Lately I've been thinking that it's not just bad luck, but me, I'm doing something wrong, there has to be an explanation as to why after doing so much, I still get literally nothing; I can't be mentioning commissions here and there or begging in comments to many users to commission me because that's just a sad pity that is most likely to add me in blacklists anyway, so if not that then, what else could I be doing wrong?

VGen is there, but I can't enter in those competitions to get a code because, again, lack of time; unless I want to be like everyone else and just spam already published drawings over and over

I'm not quitting, I'll keep drawing, I'll continue those animations, those Super Chibi Sets will be made, my current income is still not enough to get enough savings in time, so I have to continue on whether I like it or not, but there's no way for me to tell if there's one or many mistakes I'm making that causes the lack of customers or, worse, mistake(s) that doomed all of my accounts and can't do anything to change it (less likely but, how can I tell? -_-)

I really don't know what to change/improve